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4:27am… Why Am I Here?

“Why am I not in bed, like everyone else, dead to the world?  Why do I do this, live with the constant pain, the suffering, the sacrifice? Why? Because I can.  Because pain tells me I’m awake. Reminds me I’m alive. Who am I? I am the wrecker of steel. I am the crusher of mediocrity. I am the face of destiny. I am Animal…”

It starts here. But this is just one journey among many… There is no end. There never is.

“I begin tomorrow. Eighteen weeks in this dark hole. 126 days of pain. 3024 hours of hunger and desire. I’m already counting the minutes, the seconds. When it’s over, I’ll step into the light. I will shine…”

Until then, you’ll live in the shadow, in the darkness, in a place few will ever see… Where ugliness becomes beautiful.

“This place, this darkness… There’s no better place to be. This is where the real work gets done.  So if you’re with me, get that time card and punch in, cuz it’s gonna be a long, sweet ride. Be prepared to get your hands dirty. Listen… Hear that silence? Tomorrow it’s gonna rock ‘n roll. So let’s get the show on the road. Let’s throw some iron into the fire…”



Fear. Loathing. Disgust.
Run. Hide. It walks among us…

“Fear mingled with loathing. When I’m out in the world, this is what I see reflected in the eyes of others as they pass by. They only see a massive miscreant, a disgusting freak of nature, an ego run amok. They often stop and stare. But you wanna know what? They don’t really see me. While they see a freakshow, an abomination, I am an afterthought. I am invisible.”

It is far easier to ignore than to understand.

“This happens so often, I sometimes look in the mirror to make sure I’m still there. No, I am not a shadow. I am not invisible. In the mirror, I see skin, bone, muscle, sinew. I see the potential, the genetics my old man handed down. But there is fear. Fear mingled with doubt. I look and wonder if I can shoulder the crushing burden of my own expectations.”

We are programmed to fear the unknown, to turn away.

“Only three weeks in and another fifteen to go, I stand here looking for signs of progress. After all the sacrifices, the early mornings, the meals, what stands before me is a man striving for something more. Behind the fear and doubt, a fire burns fierce with determination. Yeah, I see a man unsure of what’s out there. But that’s not gonna turn me away.”

Find these passages and more over at Animalpak.

Categories: The Freak inside
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