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America’s Leaders

You know those emails you get with a list of preposterously ridiculous accounts of side-splitting idiocy?  Well, I just got one of those from my dad and I’m not sure if any of these are true, but it wouldn’t suprise me in the least if they were.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you America’s leadership:

 A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of ‘why’ our country
is in trouble!
     
    1.  I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for
an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the
window. (On an airplane!)
     
    2.  I got a call from a Kansas Congressman’s (Moore) staffer
(Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the
length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted
me with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in
Massachusetts .”
    Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ”Cape
Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ”
    his response — click.
     
    3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious
about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in
Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried t o explain
that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
    He replied, ‘don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a
very thin state!” (OMG)
     
    4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ”Is
it possible to see England from Canada ?”
    I said, ”No.”
    She said, ”But they look so close on the map.” (OMG, again!)
     
    5.  An aide for a cabinet member  (Janet Napolitano) once called
and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and
noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he
wanted to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we
will need a car to drive between gates to save time.” (Aghhhh)
     
    6.  An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.
She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at
8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
    I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she
couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane
went fast, and she bought that.
     
    7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ”Do
airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose
luggage belongs to whom?” I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’
    he replied, ”Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a
tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very
rude!”
    After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I
was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno ,
Ca
. is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on his luggage.
     
    8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about
a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked,
”Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii
?”
     
    9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby
Bright
(D) from Alaska who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?”
    I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told
my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”
     
    10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ”I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer
planes?”
    I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
    She said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”
   
    11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about
the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy
discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. ‘Oh, no I
don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”
    I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I
told her this she said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Express!”
   
    12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make
reservations, ”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .”
    I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s
the name of the town?”
    ‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man.
    After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve
looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino
anywhere.”
    ”The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it
is. Check your map!”
    So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered,
”You don’t mean Buffalo , do you?”
    The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

And people say I’m Intellectually Challenged.

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Categories: Funny Shit, In my country
  1. Mrs G
    August 18, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    lmao..hahahhaa!!! The first one is from a Jeff Foxworthy stand up.

  2. spiceymchaggis
    August 18, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Hehe, yeah I think I’ve heard that one before too. Regardless, they’re funny as hell.

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